I got married to a JW farm girl at age 21 (she was 19), with both sets of parents' approvals. Her parents were JW, mine were not, although you could say my dad believed JW teachings, but was inactive due to his failed previous marriage as a JW.
We married in 1964 and divorced in 1974. We lived together until Jan/1972, when we separated over irreconcilable differences, which also meant leaving behind 3 daughters. In late 1966 I converted to the Mormon religion, and got baptized into it, which, on grounds ofapostasy, resulted in my disfellowshipment by the JW's. (My wife's father was one of the three on the disfellowshipping committee who did the deed, but I did not hold it against him as he was simply doing what was expected of him.) From this you can see we tried to make a go of the marriage while living as a divided home religiously for over 5 years.
In the fall of 1972, while attending University, I tried to reconcile with my family, as I loved them and missed them so much, and I was an emotional wreck. The price for reunion was to come back to the JW's and get reinstated, and to renounce my faith in Mormonism. I agreed to all this and did everything that was required, and went thru about an 8 month period of probation before being reinstated. Finally, the big day came, and I was officially welcomed back into the fold. But then I realized what a farce this was, because I just could not go out in field service knocking on doors, preaching to the world about the "truth" as being taught by the JW's, when deep insided I just did not believe in it. The wife and kids were still living on the farm. I was still living in Calgary, Alberta. The plan was that they would move to Calgary where we would all be reunited as a family once more. I called it off, because if I went ahead with it, we would be in deeper crisis than before. Shortly after that, I went back to the Mormon Church.
Then I met a nice Mormon girl, another farm girl, and we got married in 1974, shortly after the divorce. Shortly thereafter, I got into another religious crisis, having discovered a whole lot of atrocities, lies and cover-ups in Mormonism in matters of Church History and Doctrine, that sickened me. Again, my faith was shipwrecked, and again I faced another marriage crisis as a result, this time with a son and a daughter. I shared what I had learned with my wife, and she was too afraid to examine it seriously because she saw what it did to my faith, and she did not want to lose hers. She felt that if she did not have the protection of the Church and her faith, that she would become very worldly, and that scared her more. In 1983 we divorced, but we had been separated around 1980.
The 5 kids are all grown up now and have gone their own ways. My son is still Mormon, my daughter is basically inactive in the Mormon Church, and my ex-wife is still active LDS, but not fanatical about it. In the case of my first 3 daughters, the oldest basically escaped to Toronto and does not want to be found. The middle one is married with a couple of boys, and they are an active JW family. My youngest daughter here left the JW's about a year ago, and we do a lot of emailing together, and you could say we are reunited. Neither one of us is in any other religion at the present time. It is not that we don't have faith, or are against God and spirituality; just don't think we need Organized Religion to have it or live it. Organizations seems to cause more harm than good.
In Jan/1986 I met a nice woman who happened to be what we in Canada refer to as "First Nations" or Aboriginal (Americans usually call them "Indians"). We are still together for the past 19 years, and are happy together, with a daughter who is now 14 1/2 years of age. We have no problems of religion or spirituality. I have a great respect for the spirituality of the Aboriginal peoples, and most people who investigate it come away with a sense of respect and spirituality as well.
In spite of all the pain, agony, depression and battle scars along the way, I have come thru OK. I feel like Frank Sinatra, singing the song "I Did It My Way"....."The record shows, I took the blows....etc."
In retrospect, with the first 2 wives, they loved me conditionally, as long as I was a good JW or a good Mormon. Lose faith in their respective Religions, and they lose their love for their mate. Marriage on that kind of basis is a farce, IMHO. It is a "house built on sand", and when the first storm comes along, it falls apart, because there is no strong foundation. They think the foundation has to be the Religion, but I think the foundation has to be the Relationship, and NO RELIGION has any business getting in the middle of a marriage. Religions are there to serve the family and the individual, and not the other way around. In my current relationship, she is the first one to accept me for what I am, for which I deeply appreciate her and love her. This is the way it is supposed to be. In 19 years, you could count on one hand the number of "fights" we have had, and the ones we did have are laughable if you try to call them "fights". There is a peace in our family, and a harmony. Why would anyone want to leave that? Not me!
Rod P.
